Reggie: Have you ever been hit with Dots Mel?, Milk Duds? Those things hurt.
Samantha: You were born with an as**ole Doris, you don’t need Chuck.
Reggie: C’mon Hector, the MAC-10 submachine gun was practically designed for housewives.
Samantha: The legal drinking age is now 10. But you will need ID, let’s be real.
Reggie: What are you gonna do when your complexion freaks out? The dermatologist is dead you know.
Samantha: See, that’s the trouble with these things [referring to a jamming MAC-10 submachine gun], Daddy would have gotten us Uzis.
Reggie: The car didn’t know the difference.
Reggie: Do you have your Mastercard on you?
Reggie: Good, coz you don’t need it… THE STORES ARE OPEN!
Samantha: Which one? [referring to clothes]
Reggie: The second one, definitely.
Reggie: Because it will stay in style longer, we have to think of these things.
Samantha: I’ve been thinking…
Reggie: Don’t set any dangerous precedents.
Samantha: You said yourself he didn’t come on to you last night. That means the last guy on Earth is either a gentleman, or a fag. Think about it, what are the odds? Things could be very interesting around here Regina.
Reggie: No imagination!
Willy: If bachelorette number one isn’t out here in half a tick, I’m going to ice bachlorette number two.
Willy: [After shooting one of his friends] I’m not crazy. I just don’t give a f**k.
Willy: You wouldn’t believe what we want from you. In your worst nightmare you wouldn’t believe.
Willy: Let’s play a game. It’s called ‘Scary Noises’.
Sarah: I don’t know, my parents told me never to breathe anything from strangers.
Reggie: Sam? They said you were dead!
Samantha: They were exaggerating, totally.
Samantha: What are you waiting for?
Hector: We’re waiting for the light to change.
Reggie: We do not cross against the lights.
Samantha: Are you nuts ‘Auntie’ Regina?
Reggie: You may as well face the facts Samantha; the whole burden of civilization has fallen upon us.
Samantha: What’s that supposed to mean?
Reggie: It means: we do not CROSS against the light.
Samantha: That’s totally stupid, there’s nobody here! See? We’re talking GHOST TOWN! [Sam walks into the middle of the road and a sports car screams round the corner narrowly avoiding her]
Reggie [to the kids]: See what happens?
DMK: God I’m sorry, but you shouldn’t cross against the light like that.
Samantha: Nice car.
DMK: Thanks, I have 23 of them.
Samantha: The burden of civilization is upon us.
DMK: Bitchin’ isn’t it!